Choosing Recovery Even Though . . .

Let's face it: your disorder will give you a million reasons why you shouldn't recover yet. Let's debunk some of these reasons.

One thing I have ALWAYS struggled with is the concept that you do not have to be knocking on death's door to recover from your disorder. Every day I spent immersed in the lies my anorexia fed me, I believed with my whole heart that I wasn't sick enough to get help. I didn't think I was skinny enough, sick enough, disordered enough.

The truth, though? You are sick enough. You don't need to earn a badge of honour for being the thinnest anorexic, the most self-disciplined bulimic or the most _____.

If you are suffering, you deserve help.

Period.

End of story.

It's so difficult in our society (especially with the prevalence of "pro-ana" and "pro-mia" websites) to see ourselves for what we truly look like. Facebook and Instagram are a living nightmare for someone with an eating disorder. It's like someone created an app so that neurotypical people can post endless selfies to which we add filters and things to, until they look photoshopped and perfect. How is someone like me supposed to not feel inadequate? How is ANYONE supposed to feel adequate?

When you start to question your choice of recovery, here are some helpful statements that I have written in my journal:

1: You aren't even skinny enough to recover.

A: Eating disorders do not come in one size. You cannot put a jean size on your misery. You deserve recovery.

2: You'll gain weight if you start eating normally.

A: If you gain weight by eating a normal, balanced diet with the correct number of nutrients and calories for your body, then that's a huge sign that you need the extra weight. Trust your body. It's only goal in life is to keep you alive.

3: I'll start recovery again next week.

A: You know as well as I do that "next week" is an imaginary world where all of our goals go to die.

4: I can't handle the bloating that comes with recovery.

A: Recovery bloating is a seriously huge annoyance that is super triggering and uncomfortable. But if you can sit through it long enough it WILL go away.

5: So and So is in recovery too but she's skinnier than me so I shouldn't risk getting even bigger than her.

A: It's absolutely toxic to compare your recovery to others in recovery.

6: It's bad timing.

A: It would probably also be bad timing if your eating disorder killed you. It's a very real possibility. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any other psychiatric illness.

7: I'm afraid I'll binge/purge/exercise/C+S:

A: I don't know about you, but I would much rather have given recovery my best effort and have a behaviour slip up than to throw in the towel and not even try.

8: I don't have a problem.

A: If you're on my blog and reading this post, you have a problem.

9: I can't give up the disorder. I don't know who I am without it.

A: This is such a tough one. I struggle with this one so much. It's really hard to disentangle your own self from your eating disorder. It's like the two of you are constantly fighting for who gets control of the body. It's scary to think about giving up this addiction, this coping mechanism. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that there could be alternative coping mechanisms that you will find that don't involve starving your body of its most basic need.

10: I don't want to gain weight and have everyone think I'm "cured."

A: People are always going to have their opinions about how you're doing. I cannot count the number of times people have assumed that I was mentally in a great place because I was physically healthy. It's best to not listen to outside comments. If it makes you feel better, I just made a shirt for me to wear to my family Christmas that says "DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT MY BODY OR MY GRADES OR MY RELATIONSHIPS." Sometimes you have to forego subtlety.

I really hope this is helpful, and send me an email with a topic you'd like me to write about!!

Keep on fighting you beautiful, strong people!

Cece