The Twelve Days of 'Don't Talk About My Body This Christmas.'

Christmas time is undoubtedly one of the most stressful holidays for those of us who have mental illnesses. Not only are we forced to choke down the constant cheer and merriment being shoved down our throats by corporate and retail giants, but we also have to go home from wherever we are in the world to our families. And don't get me wrong, there's nothing I love more in the world than when my mom's side of the family all sits in a big circle in my living room and we just talk and make fun of each other.

It's just that this time of the year is exhausting. It's so hard to keep doing all of these warm and fuzzy activities with family and friends when you're in a severe depression. It's also really hard due to the fact that this holiday is all about eating. There isn't an event that I attend around the holidays that does not involve food in one capacity or another.

Going to hack down a Christmas tree at the overpriced tree lot? Don't forget to bring your hotdogs and marshmallows to roast over the campfire.

Office Christmas party? Food. Everywhere.

Christmas movie night with your girlfriends? Don't forget your cookies and gingerbread loaf you found on Pinterest.

Thinking of going to a parade? Stand in the back so you can avoid the candy being thrown into the crowd.

Even when I was in treatment, the professionals in charge of my group of kids must have forgotten that we were literally thrown in the bin for not eating, because they took us out for breakfast as a "Christmas treat." I thought I was in the Twilight Zone that day (if any of my lhsc girls are reading this, I hope it gave you a laugh).

So, without further ado, here are the twelve dos and do nots of Christmas.

1: DON'T - skip meals to compensate for holiday indulgence.

DO - eat as you normally would, with no restrictions. If you deprive yourself of proper nutrition, you're more likely to binge later on and then compensate for that. And who really wants to skip lunch just to eat one gingerbread cookie? All food fits into a balanced diet, and it's okay to have a treat every now and then! Really! Listen to your cravings and honour them so that you don't overdo it and feel worse about yourself later (make a holiday meal plan!)

2: DON'T - go into social situations without a plan.

DO - plan ahead when you have to attend a social get-together, and practice your responses. This season is all about meeting up with friends you only see once a year and pretending you're going to see each other more often. This leads to awkward situations, and these people may not know about or understand your struggles. Spend ten minutes before you go to the party to think about how long you want to stay, what you will eat there, who you want to say hello to and practice your "no thank yous" and your "yes, Karen, we must get together again later but I've got to go ____" because it's okay to not eat the party food if it's too stressful, as long as you eat on your own time. It's also okay to duck out of the party before it ends. You gotta do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe and healthy. Practice telling people you've already eaten and than you're really good with just your drink. Not only is it good to practice setting boundaries but it will help ease some of the holiday-induced anxiety.

3: DON'T - be silent about how you feel.

DO - reach out! Let the people around you (that you trust) know that you're struggling with either food, sadness or any other response to the holidays. Tell your mom that you feel shitty about all of the socialization you have to do, or text your friend that you're scared to eat the _____. The people around you are more willing to help you out than you know. Most of the time, your family or friend group doesn't know what to do or worry about overstepping. By letting them know exactly what you need from them, both parties walk away with some relief.

4: DON'T - neglect your treatment plan.

DO - keep on top of your health. This means taking your medications at the right times, seeing your therapist, seeing your psychologist, your psychiatrist or whoever it is that you see. It's so easy to justify skipping out on therapy for a couple weeks to save up the money to get Christmas gifts for all of your friends. This is a bad idea. If money is an issue, let your therapist know that finances may be a little more tight this month, and I promise that the vast majority are more than willing to help you out in some way, whether that looks like lowered fees (within ethical boundaries of course) or letting you pay them when you have the money. Suffering in silence helps no one and hurts only you.

5: DON'T - indulge in family gossip/drama.

DO - set boundaries when it comes to conversation that you are comfortable being a part of. Having a very dysfunctional family is the hallmark of the holidays. The truth is, though, that a lot of people come from abusive or manipulative or just plain mean families. Going home to deal with the trauma you work so hard to resolve in therapy can feel very defeating. But you can survive it by keeping in mind that the holidays do eventually end and we all go back to our regular lives. You are justified in any decision you make about this; whether you decide to go to the dinner or skip it entirely, you need to make that decision for yourself, and you need to consider your own personal needs and put those first. Sometimes you have to seem like a bitch if you want to take good care of yourself (here's my favourite article about setting boundaries).

6: DON'T - say yes to everyone.

DO - take time to enjoy the time off school/work the way you want to! You don't have to do solely Christmas activities on Christmas break! Watch your favourite TV show! Go get frozen yogurt! Go see a movie at the cinema! The sky's the limit! Say yes to you.

7: DON'T - avoid your family because they might be triggering.

DO - talk to some family members ahead of time and make sure that everyone knows not to talk about your body or your eating habits or your mental health, that those are not up for discussion. If everyone is on the same page at the get-go, it makes things a lot easier. And if this is an unrealistic feat for you, then just try and navigate unhelpful and triggering comments as best you can. Be slow to react and be firm and concise when you let them know that you would rather not discuss your health over dry turkey.

8: DON'T - obsess over how your pants don't fit.

DO - by some new clothes. I always get to Christmas and try dressing up to see all of these people I haven't seen in ages and nothing ever seems to fit me right. Being in and out of recovery means that you live life in clothes that are +/- 20 pounds in range. In any given outfit, I guarantee only one article fits. Go to the Goodwill and get something that fits and is cheap, so that you can be comfortable without breaking the bank!

9: DON'T - overload yourself

DO - be gentle with yourself! The holidays can be hard for so many reasons, and no matter what your reason may be, don't forget to check in with yourself to make sure things are going relatively okay (here's a super useful mood chart that I like to use).

10: DON'T - get caught up in trying to make the holiday "perfect"

DO - accept the present moment and accept whatever happens! There's so much pressure placed on having the perfect Christmas. You've got to have the perfect presents, the perfect holiday glam makeup, the perfect Christmas cards, food, outfits - you get the idea. Try to practice mindfulness and enjoy whatever may be happening. The strangest situations sometimes end up being the happiest memories!

11: DON'T - comment on my body/health/appearance

DO - ask me about how I'm doing! There's nothing more triggering for someone in recovery than to hear "you look so healthy!" While we do understand that you mean well by that, and that it's really a compliment, it is a hard thing to hear. People with eating disorders hear you say "you look fat" instead of "you look healthy" because we equate health to mean fat. It's best to avoid making any comments about physical appearance, and it would make more meaningful conversation to ask about how I'm doing rather than how I'm looking.

12: DON'T - worry

DO - be happy :) It's winter vacation! Sleep in, walk around the house in your underwear, eat cereal at 3 am, DO WHAT EVER!

xoxo Cece