Recovering? There's a Santana Lopez Gif For That

Is it just me who's still totally obsessed with Glee? Maybe it only holds sentimental value to me, but I watched this show SO much when I was in a tough place. With my parents divorcing and me moving cities and having to do my grade thirteen year in a new high school, I always looked forward to coming home to an empty house and watching Glee with my cat.

Although I connect the most with Rachel Berry in this show, you have to stop and admire how many Gif-able moments there are of Santana. She's tough, she's bold, she's badass. Pretty much just like everyone who is in recovery. See the connection?

Without further ado, here is what recovery looks like in relation to Santana:

Having an eating disorder is like having one body with two hosts. In this case, your rational self is Brittany (the blonde) and your eating disorder is Santana. Your ED makes you feel worthless and stupid and like, well, a loser. But you've made the decision to start recovering.

Great!

Initially, you feel great! Wow, you get to go to the grocery store! And look at food in sections other than in the produce section! So fun!!! Look at all new brands of cookies I've been missing out on all these years!!!!

But then when all the novelty wears out, you remember that you're terrified of eating and suddenly you have everything you need, and now it's all up to you:

So now you're following your meal plan, you're gaining weight, and you're freaking out a little (okay, a LOT.) So what now?

You may be angry. It probably won't even be at anything tangible. You're just angry ALL THE TIME. Stupid disorder. Stupid food. Stupid weight. Stupid doctors. Stupid EVERYTHING (keep in mind that likely you're angry because of suppressed traumas and the things that have perpetuated your disorder in the first place. It just becomes a lot more "front and centre" when you're actively going against what your ED says.)

When you get into a rhythm, and get used to following a meal plan, you may find yourself on Instagram or Tumblr, in the "recovery community." You find some people who are going through what you're going through and you form friendships and learn about accountability. (NOTE: I do not recommend either of these communities if you are easily triggered. A lot of people on there are looking to have their ED validated and prove who can eat the least. Jus' sayin.'):

You gain more weight and get angry again:

(side note: your breasts WILL ache, because they're growing back. Your whole body will ache because it's healing. This, too, will make you angry.)

You start incorporating yourself back into the real world; you start seeing your friends and family again, you start attending class again, you start _____ing ______. And when you do so, you worry about what everyone will think about the "new you." You need to tell yourself . . .

And if someone questions you about your packed lunch, tell them (because you will suddenly become that mom friend who always has snacks in her purse and brings bagged lunches and owns every type of tupperware under the sun) . . .

. . . and moooooooove on!

Keep in mind that you're fighting this huge battle that people have no idea about. So communicate with them! Let people know what you need from them, because I promise they're more willing to help than you think (and if they aren't supportive, you don't need them. End of story.)

And lastly, remember that you are likely going to be in recovery, out of recovery and somewhere in between for a long time. Average treatment for eating disorders is seven years. But no matter what happens, don't beat yourself up too much; there's no wrong way to reclaim your life. Screw it if it looks different on you than it does to others. You're beautiful no matter what <3

(ps: Santana believes in you.)

Love,

Cece